I don't care what Apple is selling. I'm not buying that John, Sam and Zooey are this lonely - this creepy. And yes. I mean creepy. Have you seen the commercials? When Malkovich murmurs "fantastic," to the pretend woman on his iPhone, he seems decades older than his 58-years, and desperate in a weird loneliness only Malkovich could own. Steve? You up there? You tracking this? Because if this continues, your legacy is in jeopardy, honey. Apple has taken on the ugly task of exposing our favorite celebrities to these maudlin mock-ups of modern isolation. The whole thing is both cruel and sad. When Samuel Jackson gives Siri the "night off," peeking into his fantasy is peculiar and off-putting. And the idea that adorable Zooey Deschanel (and she is adorable - isn't she the cutest thing?) in her pajamas is exiled to a cramped apartment, forced to send "out" for tomato soup - - the whole thing reminds me of long-ago anxious, eerie Saturday afternoons before the babies were born. I don't like it So, Steve - we need your help here. John and Siri are creepy. Samuel and Siri are sick. And Zooey's friendship with Siri makes all of us a little sad. So, Steve? Honey? You hear me? Can you fix this?
My dogs awoke me, barking, at 3:00 AM - and I knew something was wrong. I grabbed my under-the-bed baseball bat and stormed into my backyard. The car next door had been burglarized; a neighbor's garage broken into. And the woman who lives in the house behind mine was robbed in the middle of the night. And so as the flood lights slapped across my empty back yard and my dogs growled, I determined to apprehend the culprit. I searched the yard for the wretched, evil doer who would dare take advantage of the decent folks who live in Como Park. Behind me, in my living room, someone walked out the front door with my MacBook and other electronics. Because I didn't check inside the house - I didn't discover the crime until the next morning. "This ain't CSI, lady." I phoned the police at 7:30 A.M. It took him almost an hour to get to my home - and when he finally knocked - I opened my door to an overweigh, winded officer. By then I was frant